


The Tag Wrangler’s Vendetta

by alexwlchan



Category: AO3 Tags
Genre: Enemies to Siblings to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:55:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22976506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexwlchan/pseuds/alexwlchan
Summary: One woman’s mission to get a new tag. One tag wrangler’s mission to stop her.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	The Tag Wrangler’s Vendetta

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bessyboo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bessyboo/gifts).



> Yes, I am back posting total nonsense. This time it’s [bessyboo’s fault](https://twitter.com/bessyboo/status/1234191737859514370):
>
>> If people weren’t COWARDS, someone besides me and AO3 user slugmutt would use the tag “Enemies to Siblings to Lovers” (but lol OFC both works with this tag are Star Wars) <https://archiveofourown.org/tags/Enemies%20to%20Siblings%20to%20Lovers>
> 
> Then this happened. 

**INT. – A SUSPICIOUSLY HIPSTER LAW FIRM.**

The smell of vegan bacon fills the air. BESSYBOO is typing furiously on her phone.

BESSYBOO  
Why does nobody else use the “enemies to siblings to lovers” tag on AO3, this is the WOOORST.

**INT. – THE UNDERGROUND VOLCANO LAIR OF THE AO3 MODS, DAY**

On a console with an implausibly large number of buttons and switches, a light flashes red.

TAG WRANGLER #1  
Ugh, is bessyboo trying to make that tag happen _again_? She knows I’m always going to reject it, stop encouraging people.

TAG WRANGLER #1 pushes a button labelled “REJECT THAT TAG”. The label is a slightly worn post-it note written in sharpie, and the words “THAT TAG” have been underlined several times.

TAG WRANGLER #2  
What is it with you and that tag?

TAG WRANGLER #1  
I don’t like it, okay???

TAG WRANGLER #2  
If you say so.

It’s just… don’t you think it’s a bit weird you wired up a special light on the console just so you could find out when she’s using that tag. Isn’t that a bit excessive?

TAG WRANGLER #1  
(snapping) It’s perfectly normal.

TAG WRANGLER #2  
But that’s the console where we get the big emergency warnings! Shipping wars … the kudos fountain drying up … running out of red fuzzy felt for the header … and you’re using it for a personal vendetta?

TAG WRANGLER #1  
(Through gritted teeth) Perfectly. Normal.

TAG WRANGLER #2  
(rolling eyes) If you say so.

**INT. – THE UNDERGROUND VOLCANO LAIR OF THE AO3 MODS, NIGHT**

A different light flashes red.

TAG WRANGLER #1, stirring sleepily  
Somebody in another timezone read that tweet? You won't get me that easily!

TAG WRANGLER #1 pushes the button labelled “REJECT THAT TAG”.

TAG WRANGLER #3, quizzically  
What are you doing?

TAG WRANGLER #1  
It’s … it’s nothing.

TAG WRANGLER #3  
I know I’m new here, but come on, that was definitely something. That’s the panel of Important Buttons. I was told not to touch that unless it was an emergency!

TAG WRANGLER #1  
It’s just … this thing … there’s a woman who really wants to make this tag be a thing, and I hate this tag and so I make sure she doesn’t use it. Perfectly normal.

TAG WRANGLER #3  
Uh huh.

TAG WRANGLER #1  
(fuming) STOP. ASKING. ABOUT IT.

TAG WRANGLER #3  
I didn't say anything!

TAG WRANGLER #1  
(dagger eyes)

TAG WRANGLER #3  
(looks down)

TAG WRANGLER #1  
STOP THINKING IT.

TAG WRANGLER #3  
Come on, you don't think it's a little bit weird?

TAG WRANGLER #1  
It's … ugh, alright. I just want her to notice me, y'know? (wistful tone) I think we'd be really good friends.

TAG WRANGLER #3  
Does she even know you're blocking this tag? Or is it just a one-sided, anonymous vendetta?

TAG WRANGLER #1  
(grumpily) No, she doesn't. But how else am I going to get her to notice me?

TAG WRANGLER #3  
Well how about reaching out to her, saying something nice to her? That's a good way to get to know somebody. [walks to back of room, rifles through a filing cabinet, pulls out a manilla folder] It says here she likes … pod–fic? I don't think I know that term, is it fic about pod people?

TAG WRANGLER #1  
It's fiction, but read aloud, sort of like podcasts? [TAG WRANGLER #3 stares back blankly.] Oh, right, I forgot, we burn out that bit of knowledge in all the new hires. Podfic is forbidden knowledge. But yeah, that's a good idea, yeah, I'll record her something.

TAG WRANGLER #3  
Ree-kord? [looks as if they're remembering something they heard of, once, long ago]

TAG WRANGLER #1  
Yeah! It's pretty quiet right now, let's go down to the recording studio.

TAG WRANGLER #3  
We have a recording studio???

TAG WRANGLER #1  
Yeah, but it's not on the tour or the maps, it doesn't get much use. Come on, let's go!

**INT. – A PODCAST RECORDING STUDIO**

TAG WRANGLER #1 is sitting in front of a microphone. TAG WRANGLER #3 is sitting behind a recording desk.

TAG WRANGLER #3  
Wow, look at all these buttons! What are you going to say?

TAG WRANGLER #1  
I don’t know, give me a moment to think! And keep your voice down, we’re not supposed to be in here.

TAG WRANGLER #1 looks down at the microphone.

**INT. – HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE PODCAST RECORDING STUDIO**

A light above the door labelled “RECORDING IN PROGRESS” blinks on. A silhouette of a tall, dark figure appears in the end of the hallway, and looks towards the door.

**END OF ACT ONE**

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sure you have questions. I do as well. Questions like:
> 
>   * What does day and night even mean in the context of a volcano lair?
>   * Will bessyboo and the tag wrangler fall for each other?
>   * What else is on the panel of Important Buttons?
>   * Who is the mysterious dark figure?
>   * And most importantly of all… _what sort of microphone are they using_? 
> 

> 
> (I wouldn’t expect answers to any of this questions; this is very much a one-shot.)


End file.
